• Unconditional Parenting Moving from Rewards and Punishments to Love and Reason
  • Alfie Kohn
  • Unconditional Parenting Moving from Rewards and Punishments to Love and Reason
  • Unconditional Parenting Moving from Rewards and Punishments to Love and Reason
  • Unconditional Parenting Moving from Rewards and Punishments to Love and Reason
  • Unconditional Parenting Moving from Rewards and Punishments to Love and Reason
  • Alfie Kohn on unconditional parenting
  • Unconditional Parenting Moving from Rewards and Punishments to Love and Reason
  • Unconditional Parenting Moving from Rewards and Punishments to Love and Reason
  • Unconditional Parenting Moving from Rewards and Punishments to Love and Reason
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Amazon Price: $15.99 $5.56 You save: $10.43 (65%). (as of December 15, 2017 1:48 am – Details). Product prices and availability are accurate as of the date/time indicated and are subject to change. Any price and availability information displayed on the Amazon site at the time of purchase will apply to the purchase of this product.

Most parenting guides begin with the question “How can we get kids to do what they're told?” and then proceed to offer various techniques for controlling them. In this truly groundbreaking book, nationally respected educator Alfie Kohn begins instead by asking, “What do kids need—and how can we meet those needs?” What follows from that question are ideas for working with children rather than doing things to them.

One basic need all children have, Kohn argues, is to be loved unconditionally, to know that they will be accepted even if they screw up or fall short. Yet conventional approaches to parenting such as punishments (including “time-outs”), rewards (including positive reinforcement), and other forms of control teach children that they are loved only when they please us or impress us. Kohn cites a body of powerful, and largely unknown, research detailing the damage caused by leading children to believe they must earn our approval. That's precisely the message children derive from common discipline techniques, even though it's not the message most parents intend to send.

More than just another book about discipline, though, Unconditional Parenting addresses the ways parents think about, feel about, and act with their children. It invites them to question their most basic assumptions about raising kids while offering a wealth of practical strategies for shifting from “doing to” to “working with” parenting—including how to replace praise with the unconditional support that children need to grow into healthy, caring, responsible people. This is an eye-opening, paradigm-shattering book that will reconnect readers to their own best instincts and inspire them to become better parents.

Product Details

  • Paperback: 272 pages
  • Publisher: Atria Books; 1 edition (March 28, 2006)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0743487486
  • ISBN-13: 978-0743487481
  • Product Dimensions: 5.5 x 0.7 x 8.4 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 8 ounces

Customer Reviews

Literally everyone needs to read this

 on October 9, 2017
By András Puiz
This is becoming a life-changing book for me, and I’m not even a parent. Intellectually honest, self-deprecating and self-doubting to a healthy degree, the author carefully and seemingly effortlessly unrolls a powerful, consistent, revolutionary yet almost painfully obvious point of view that I’ve found impossible to resist – especially since it made me continuously nod my head while telling myself variations of “Of course,” “Oh wow, deep inside I’ve always known this,” and, most remarkably, “I would have thought so myself if I’d had the courage to.” Such a rare constellation of all these diverse manifestations greatness: in the message and in the delivery; of the heart and of the mind; in the science and in the intuition. I’m immensely grateful for this book.

Excellent book that makes you reconsider your ideas about parenting …

 on November 27, 2017
By kathyk
Excellent book that makes you reconsider your ideas about parenting (or grandparenting) in my case. The ideas take some conscious effort to implement since they are contrary to many other parenting concepts. I am starting to see some positive results.

INCREDIBLE BOOK!!!! I cannot stress enough …

 on November 28, 2017
By Betsy rae
INCREDIBLE BOOK!!!! I cannot stress enough how incredible this read is.. Completely life changing as a parent! I will be ordering so many of his other writings!!!! So profound, wish every parent would read this and seriously consider the way they are raising the children of tomorrow!

Very Thought Provoking

 on June 12, 2014
By Kelly
This book turns our traditional notions of parenting upside-down, for some very good reasons. This book has great potential to change how we deal with our children and other adults, and to allow us to contemplate how we were parented. Unlike other parenting books, it’s difficult to break this book into “tips” or “soundbites”. It’s important to understand the full context and thinking behind the notion of abandoning old stand-by’s like time-outs and even praise! Well worth the read!

Life Changing

 on November 5, 2017
By Aliegirl
This book has changed my parenting perspective, and I am eternally grateful for Alfie Kohn’s wonderful words.

Great book!

One person found this helpful.
 on October 14, 2015
By Krista White
This book is one of my favorite parenting books along with The Science of Parenting! Would recommend both of them to all new parents. Would make a great baby shower gift!

Every parent should read this book

4 people found this helpful.
 on August 5, 2010
By Duk Lee
Only if I could get my wife to read this book. I think the title of this book is a little bit misleading in a sense that people might shy away from getting this amazing book thinking “ha! another parenting book telling us to spoil our children”.

A must have for every parent.

One person found this helpful.
 on July 20, 2015
By Ana
This book is great! Very interesting and well documented. It made me question a lot of what I thought I knew about parenting. I always think about this book.

Five Stars

One person found this helpful.
 on July 31, 2016
By Ameenah Muhammad
Excellent book I bought one for my daughter.

Five Stars

2 people found this helpful.
 on December 28, 2014
By Mark Cancellieri
I wish this was the first book about parenting that I read. It might be the last.